Story of my life

I was thinking about the things that I want for my life this morning and yesterday and the day before (and you get where I am going with this). I realized that whenever something bad happens or when something that I don't want to happen actually happens, I say out loud, "Story of my Life." Then, I wonder why that IS the story of my life. So today, I am deciding that the story of my life is that I get whatever I want, when God says that I can have it. Honestly, I can complain about a lot of things...I just choose not to. When people say, "I can't complain"...that's not necessarily true. They CAN complain, they are just choosing not to.

"Why so deep today?" you must be asking...I am at the very bottom right now. And what's crazy is that, I don't feel like I really have anything to complain about. I guess I feel more grateful that the bottom for me isn't so bad. It could be worse. The great thing is that I have an awesome (and hilarious) family, great friends and successful business partners and mentors.

So whenever I ask God for something, I USED to say that he said 3 things , "yes", "no", and "not yet". What's funny is if I look at my life, I've noticed that he actually mostly says "yes, but not yet". So here I am...waiting patiently on God. In the meantime, I will live my story...

Have I lost my mind?

So I went to Texas again this weekend to hang out with my friend. This was probably the best time that we had from all the times we've actually hung out. Reason being, it was all about real life.

But through the whole experience this weekend, I have a new found peace of mind. It's strange really, how one gets to this place. I learned a lot about what kind of person he is and really more of what kind of a person I am. It's a little nuts to be here. I guess I have been praying for this for awhile and I am excited to finally be here. I thought that if I cared about myself more than the person I am with, I was selfish. But I've come to realize that I can't truly care about someone if I don't know how to care about myself first. And that's what I got this weekend. Thanks to my friend in Texas.

Now...with that...I am wondering if that was the reason why God put him in my life at the time that he did. There's gotta be a reason. Still praying on that one. In the meantime, I am going to keep figuring this thing out and just have fun. After all, I'm only 30 for another month...yikes! Gotta live it up!

You know that saying?

"If it was meant to be, it will happen." Been thinking too much (as usual) and I've come to the conclusion that I really trust that God's got my back on this one. Today I went to an awesome meeting with our Sacramento team and I am all fired up to get the job done this year! With that excitement, I was also hesitant. I really gotta get things done in the next few months and as soon as I take care of what I need to take care of, then I can move forward with this "relationship" that I've been talking about with Texas...LOL.

So is it really fair to ask someone to be serious with you when you are not serious about them right now? I think that's a little selfish. As much as I don't want to miss out on all the fun we are having, I also don't want to let my dream pass me by because I know it's going to really happen this year. I FEEL it. That's different from before. Before I saw a vision of it, but this year I can feel it happen. It's almost like it's calling me. Crazy.

I am scared...for sure...but I also feel like if God wants me to be here, he'll make a way. He makes a way for everything. Why not crazy Leah and her strange adventures. I will still move forward...don't wanna be one of those Christians that "waits" on God, but regardless, I am excited about my future and what it has to hold. I'm in a better place, but I know that place still has limitations. I'm so confused. Are you? LOL...just had to share...it's one of those days.

The Shack

I'm reading this book called "The Shack". Ang told me to read it. The beginning is so sad. I was reading it on the plane this friday and I was totally crying. Some pages took me forever to get through because I totally felt where this guy was coming from. I have had moments in my life...who hasn't?

Anyways, somewhere in the book, it describes God as having an awesome sense of humor and I thought "Man, I totally blogged about that." Hence, the prior post.

There's a lot to learn right now. I'm going a little bananas and coconuts. Desiree can vouch...but I have been praying for peace and I know God is totally testing me right now. I am failing miserably. I know it. I really gotta just chill out. It's so much easier said than done, but I am working on it. Thank God I have awesome friends and family that keep me in check. Otherwise, I would be totally in a crazy people hospital right now. And that's how I know God is awesome. God put awesome people in my life to keep me in check, otherwise I would have made a lot of crazy decisions (still working on that a little).

So moral of the story...God put people in your life to keep you accountable and keep you in check so that you can give Him the glory and honor he deserves through all your actions (not to get all crazy religious). At the end of the day though...your decisions will still be based on you...so you gotta ask the question, "Lord, what is it that You want me to do." Then, just sit and listen.

God is a Comedian (Part #1)

This may be my most favorite saying in the whole world at this point. There is so much going on in my life right now. I've been having to work super hard to keep up with everything. I just think that I need to schedule EVERYTHING to get it all done. My prior post was about that song on Ate Karen's website because it spoke to me so much about just being and not worrying about anything.

That same day I was worrying about things I can't control (duh, that's everyone) and as I was leaving my house I saw a rainbow and I got a text that answered all my questions. We've all had that conversation, "God if you want me to have this, you'll do this" conversation. I was totally testing Him. He delivered...coconuts...(that's my new saying...I'm gonna see how many people pick it up...lol) He basically said, "why don't you just trust me?" Then, I asked myself the same question...(deep)

So then, today was an even crazier day for me, work wise, and I was at Starbucks meeting with a client. I don't normally pay attention to the coins I get, but today I got my change and why did I get a flippin' Texas quarter? Seriously...this is all too random...(that one is actually really retarded but I had to share it...it made me laugh, that's why God's a comedian)

There are some things that are a coincidence...other things you can't really explain. There's a lot of things that I can't explain that have happened in the last week to me, business and personal, that I can't explain and all I know is that all of it is in God's hands.

Regardless of all the random occurrences in this last week, I am recognizing that this is all for a bigger purpose. The bigger purpose is that I have found my trust in God has strengthened so much in the last week. I had been praying for discernment for years (years and years) and I finally feel as if I can pray and know what God is really trying to communicate to me. I thought for a long time that I had been missing the message, but maybe I wasn't listening. Maybe that's a lot of people. All I know is that I am feeling loved and I'm telling you...there's nothing like feeling totally loved by God. It's a good place to be.