Story of my life

I was thinking about the things that I want for my life this morning and yesterday and the day before (and you get where I am going with this). I realized that whenever something bad happens or when something that I don't want to happen actually happens, I say out loud, "Story of my Life." Then, I wonder why that IS the story of my life. So today, I am deciding that the story of my life is that I get whatever I want, when God says that I can have it. Honestly, I can complain about a lot of things...I just choose not to. When people say, "I can't complain"...that's not necessarily true. They CAN complain, they are just choosing not to.

"Why so deep today?" you must be asking...I am at the very bottom right now. And what's crazy is that, I don't feel like I really have anything to complain about. I guess I feel more grateful that the bottom for me isn't so bad. It could be worse. The great thing is that I have an awesome (and hilarious) family, great friends and successful business partners and mentors.

So whenever I ask God for something, I USED to say that he said 3 things , "yes", "no", and "not yet". What's funny is if I look at my life, I've noticed that he actually mostly says "yes, but not yet". So here I am...waiting patiently on God. In the meantime, I will live my story...

Have I lost my mind?

So I went to Texas again this weekend to hang out with my friend. This was probably the best time that we had from all the times we've actually hung out. Reason being, it was all about real life.

But through the whole experience this weekend, I have a new found peace of mind. It's strange really, how one gets to this place. I learned a lot about what kind of person he is and really more of what kind of a person I am. It's a little nuts to be here. I guess I have been praying for this for awhile and I am excited to finally be here. I thought that if I cared about myself more than the person I am with, I was selfish. But I've come to realize that I can't truly care about someone if I don't know how to care about myself first. And that's what I got this weekend. Thanks to my friend in Texas.

Now...with that...I am wondering if that was the reason why God put him in my life at the time that he did. There's gotta be a reason. Still praying on that one. In the meantime, I am going to keep figuring this thing out and just have fun. After all, I'm only 30 for another month...yikes! Gotta live it up!

You know that saying?

"If it was meant to be, it will happen." Been thinking too much (as usual) and I've come to the conclusion that I really trust that God's got my back on this one. Today I went to an awesome meeting with our Sacramento team and I am all fired up to get the job done this year! With that excitement, I was also hesitant. I really gotta get things done in the next few months and as soon as I take care of what I need to take care of, then I can move forward with this "relationship" that I've been talking about with Texas...LOL.

So is it really fair to ask someone to be serious with you when you are not serious about them right now? I think that's a little selfish. As much as I don't want to miss out on all the fun we are having, I also don't want to let my dream pass me by because I know it's going to really happen this year. I FEEL it. That's different from before. Before I saw a vision of it, but this year I can feel it happen. It's almost like it's calling me. Crazy.

I am scared...for sure...but I also feel like if God wants me to be here, he'll make a way. He makes a way for everything. Why not crazy Leah and her strange adventures. I will still move forward...don't wanna be one of those Christians that "waits" on God, but regardless, I am excited about my future and what it has to hold. I'm in a better place, but I know that place still has limitations. I'm so confused. Are you? LOL...just had to share...it's one of those days.

The Shack

I'm reading this book called "The Shack". Ang told me to read it. The beginning is so sad. I was reading it on the plane this friday and I was totally crying. Some pages took me forever to get through because I totally felt where this guy was coming from. I have had moments in my life...who hasn't?

Anyways, somewhere in the book, it describes God as having an awesome sense of humor and I thought "Man, I totally blogged about that." Hence, the prior post.

There's a lot to learn right now. I'm going a little bananas and coconuts. Desiree can vouch...but I have been praying for peace and I know God is totally testing me right now. I am failing miserably. I know it. I really gotta just chill out. It's so much easier said than done, but I am working on it. Thank God I have awesome friends and family that keep me in check. Otherwise, I would be totally in a crazy people hospital right now. And that's how I know God is awesome. God put awesome people in my life to keep me in check, otherwise I would have made a lot of crazy decisions (still working on that a little).

So moral of the story...God put people in your life to keep you accountable and keep you in check so that you can give Him the glory and honor he deserves through all your actions (not to get all crazy religious). At the end of the day though...your decisions will still be based on you...so you gotta ask the question, "Lord, what is it that You want me to do." Then, just sit and listen.

God is a Comedian (Part #1)

This may be my most favorite saying in the whole world at this point. There is so much going on in my life right now. I've been having to work super hard to keep up with everything. I just think that I need to schedule EVERYTHING to get it all done. My prior post was about that song on Ate Karen's website because it spoke to me so much about just being and not worrying about anything.

That same day I was worrying about things I can't control (duh, that's everyone) and as I was leaving my house I saw a rainbow and I got a text that answered all my questions. We've all had that conversation, "God if you want me to have this, you'll do this" conversation. I was totally testing Him. He delivered...coconuts...(that's my new saying...I'm gonna see how many people pick it up...lol) He basically said, "why don't you just trust me?" Then, I asked myself the same question...(deep)

So then, today was an even crazier day for me, work wise, and I was at Starbucks meeting with a client. I don't normally pay attention to the coins I get, but today I got my change and why did I get a flippin' Texas quarter? Seriously...this is all too random...(that one is actually really retarded but I had to share it...it made me laugh, that's why God's a comedian)

There are some things that are a coincidence...other things you can't really explain. There's a lot of things that I can't explain that have happened in the last week to me, business and personal, that I can't explain and all I know is that all of it is in God's hands.

Regardless of all the random occurrences in this last week, I am recognizing that this is all for a bigger purpose. The bigger purpose is that I have found my trust in God has strengthened so much in the last week. I had been praying for discernment for years (years and years) and I finally feel as if I can pray and know what God is really trying to communicate to me. I thought for a long time that I had been missing the message, but maybe I wasn't listening. Maybe that's a lot of people. All I know is that I am feeling loved and I'm telling you...there's nothing like feeling totally loved by God. It's a good place to be.

The Power of Now

This blog is inspired by my cousin Karen's choice of music....she already knows...

It's been weeks since I've blogged. I'm having a moment so I figure I will share it before it disappears. So for those who have been following my blog, I had a friend come down for Valentine's Day weekend. It was an awesome weekend. We had a lot of fun just hanging out and getting to know each other all over again. We went to Santa Cruz and hung out in Half Moon Bay. Then, he had to leave...so sad...

Anyways, I've been doing my whole control thing (because I lie to myself and say that I control things when God controls it all), and I was looking at some pics on Ate Karen's website today and was listening to the song she had on her site. It's called "The Power of Now". I started listening to the lyrics and there is one part of the song that stuck in my mind:

Be willing to let go of everything you think you need to know
Be strong enough to let go of everything you think you need to control
For everything goes away

I was freaking out! God is hilarious! He knew I needed a reminder. For example, if you truly let go of everything you need to know (like what's gonna happen in the next few months, am I going to get this money/raise/deal, does he like me more than I like him), you stop worrying and start enjoying your life now. AND...if you are strong enough to let go of control, you stop worrying about a lot of stuff and are so present to now that the stuff you were worrying about (which you can't control anyways) doesn't even really matter anymore. Deep...

I am taking it to heart and you know what is so awesome about all these lessons that I am learning in this whole process? I am learning that no matter what happens, I am always in God's hands...and I trust him with EVERYTHING.

No pics to share...was too freaked out...LOL...maybe after next weekend...

Coincedence? I think not...

Seriously, I think God is testing me. I've gotta share this story because it's all I've been thinking about for the last two weeks. I have been talking to my old friend from high school and we've been kinda getting to know each other all over again since we haven't spoke in about 10 years. It's crazy because we are almost exactly alike. We like the same things, we are both very driven and we have awesome work ethic. He is coming here from Texas in the next couple weeks to visit me.

I believe that God is testing me in a way that is positive. For example, this is something great and everything that's great comes from Him. I just sometimes feel like I don't deserve it...does that make any sense? Or maybe I have been treated so badly the last 8 years that when someone has come around that's actually decent, I don't know how to act. I don't know. Regardless, I trust God and I know that He is going to use me in a way to show people that He is with us all the time. I think He's testing me because He wants to see if I can accept gifts (which has always been really hard for me). Maybe this is my lesson...awesome lesson...He's awesome.

p.s. I'm so excited for when my "friend" comes down here...

God answers all prayers

Need I say anything else. I've noticed in the past that I had a problem trusting God and his answers to my prayers. There were times when I felt all alone; like He didn't hear my prayer. In my loneliness and frustration I'd say out loud "Lord, do you even hear me?" All in all, I have realized in the last couple months that He does answer all our prayers and that we just have to be open to hear the answer.

For the last 8 years, I have been in a relationship that I have been trying to make into something that it wasn't going be. Fighting hard to not "fail" at it (I hate failing), I kept trying. The whole time I kept feeling something was missing and I was so right. After we ended it about 2 months ago, I started feeling alone and sad for myself thinking, "How am I going to meet people?" and "Who would want to marry someone like me?" (because that's what my ex kept saying to me over and over again; I believe that he brought the worst out of me at times). So I would be driving and working (normal Leah stuff) and I would tell God out loud, "Lord, I trust you. I know you have better plans for me and I know that whatever that plan is, that you will take care of all my needs." Every time I felt scared and lonely or a thought of not meeting anyone would cross my mind (among other things I worry about), I would say that to God.

So then here's what happened in the last two weeks...
I ended up reconnecting with an old friend from high school and he's such a great guy (who I totally am crushing on right now by the way), my projector died and we need about 2 weeks to get a new one...our office actually let us use the community one for free (everyone else charges $50 an hour), our mailman (who's name is Rich...hilarious...that's my friend from high school's name too) came up to me and invited me to his church because of the youth group there (how awesome is that? Can I get an amen?), I got to go snowboarding on Tuesday (my favorite sport), my brother has been going to church now for about 3 weeks consistently, I got to reconnect with all my Junior High Teachers, and I was able to see my awesome fam bam at Faith's B-day party (I love my family)...oh and I got to sleep over Kuya's house and kick it with Jasmine because she's always asking if I'm gonna sleep over...LOL). That's just these last two weeks. How lucky am I?

I learned that it's all about perspective and that God is ALWAYS there...we just have to find him. My car battery died two days ago and I decided that I could look at the situation one of two ways: I could be angry and frustrated OR I could be thankful that I wasn't somewhere scary and I couldn't get help. So I DECIDED to be happy and thankful instead. Do you know that in that bad situation I put myself in (because I left my lights on), God was awesome enough have AAA come out in 15 mins and jump start my car? I was sitting on my car super happy and my problem was solved in about 15 mins. I thought I was going to be late, but I wasn't late for anything. I truly believe that He's always with us; whether or not we see it. And he always answers prayers; whether or not we hear it. Sometimes the answer is simply... not yet.

Happy New You!

Hi all...I haven't blogged since last year! LOL! As I was pumping gas today, I realized how I haven't really noticed the last couple days. AND...today would've been my 8 year anniversary with my just very recent ex-boyfriend...wow. Can someone pick my jaw off of the floor already? I usually know these things...and today...I totally missed it until maybe 20 minutes ago. New Chapter!

So with that attitude, I am totally ready for a brand new year. We had a meeting last Saturday and someone said something that hit me pretty hard. "Everyone keeps saying Happy New Year. It's only a NEW year if we change ourselves and the things that we do. Otherwise, it'll be the same year." WOW. Can you say a ton of bricks just flew into my face? I definitely want a new year and a new start. So I am looking at my goals daily, sticking to my work/play schedule, focusing on completing my to do lists daily, and meal planning (I'm the biggest nerd ever!). I actually was thinking today that we should schedule a Sunday lunch with my fam bam, like we used to do. Nathan's usually at home on the weekends and he doesn't leave until the afternoon, so he'd still be able to hang out. That way we see each other for sure on Sundays. Can you tell I like tradition?

It's a great start. Did you know that 62% of people break their resolutions by the end of January. The rest of the folks break their resolutions in June. That makes me sad. And the competitor in me doesn't want to be a statistic, so I will keep mine all year until it becomes my life...LOL (Yes, I am one of those).

Anyways, tomorrow is gonna be a great day! I'm still excited for this year...it's gonna be AWESOME (ode to my brother Jay! LOL) So for all those who truly want a NEW Year, here's to a New YOU!

Too much fun!

I can't help but feel blessed almost everyday for all the things I have in my life. It's crazy how much I love my life...and I just went through 8 years of an experience that I learned so much from.

So this weekend was insane! Starting Saturday (ALL DAY), my mom decided it was a good idea to have my entire dad's side of the family over at our tiny house. Literally...our house is about 1000 sq. feet. Anyways, we had about 60-70 people in our house...(future reference for a house party...LOL) and it was super crowded. However, I am glad she was ok with it because no one in our family can say that their house is too small to have a party now (there's a reason for everything...haha) and if they do say that, it's because they don't care about keeping tradition...I can say that because I've pretty much helped plan almost EVERY holiday/traditional get together for the last 12 years...so yeah (getting off the soapbox now). But it turned out GREAT! It was fun and we had an awesome time spending time with family. No real focus on presents this year...just family. I love it...

So after everyone left, my mom, her man, and I cleaned furiously (again) and I got ready to go out with my girls to the city. We went to Milk in the Haight and clubbed like crazy. I walked out of the house with the short skirt on and my CFM Boots and my mom said "I guess you're going to go get a guy tonite, huh." L O L ... Not! I just wanted to dance and have fun. And I did...here are some crazy dancing pics...I'm a wanna be hoochie. I have a hard time following through on all the hoochie stuff. So does that make me a tease? Crap!

I didn't get home until 4:30am. Had to get up at 7:30am for a conference call and then we ran a training from 10am-3pm. We went bowling with our team. The girls won the last game (we had an advantage...there was 4 of us). After that, I went to Walnut Creek and went ice skating with Aileen and Belle. Was disappointed by an old friend that night. Crazy how people think that life begins in a certain place, but they don't realize that life is what is happening at every moment, no matter where you are. People miss out on so much because of that. Regardless, it was hella fun! Belle is a super good ice skater so she taught us how to skate backwards. We went and ate Pho and went home to start our week.

Worked all day Monday and had a chance to hang with my favorite peeps in the world (my family) at the Oakland Zoo to check out "Zoolights". That was fun too. I forgot to mention that in between this I was working with one of my new agents and working is always fun for me.

All in all, it has been tons of fun these last 3 days. It's a small preview of the coming year. I can't wait!

Totally Enjoying Christmas Eve

As I write this, I am under the influence of alcohol...not something normal for me as I have been trying to watch what I am doing with my body for the last couple of months. However, I was Cinderella today...as I was cleaning my house as my mom went out to Party...LOL...I had a great time listening to Christmas Music and cleaned almost the entire house.

As I look back on my last year...this has probably taken the cake in years of crazy change. I love change, I embrace change, not like a lot of people, so this year has been tons of fun. I am so ready for a crazier year...meaning that I may deal with more drama, more craziness, more change, and more growth. I look forward to it.

This Christmas is different. I am not looking forward to presents like usual, but I am totally looking forward to living my life. I am excited! I guess this is what happens when you drink...You start looking at your life so different. But it's not just today, it's everyday I feel this way. I can't wait. I should sleep now as I am feeling too good. I would text people, but I feel like it would not be taken seriously. I love that I am not crying right now (LOL). Desiree can vouch for that. We should never wait this long to feel this great about our life. We should live it everyday...

Leadership is Everything

Opportunities of a lifetime. I was able to meet with two leaders this week, back to back. One makes $250k a year in Primerica and the one we met with tonight makes $700k a year. They are so humble and want success for all of us. I don't know where you can get leadership like that, but I know I get it with Primerica. We were able to spend hours with them to pick their brains about how they think. The only thing holding most people back from making the kind of income they want is how they think. I love that we have that choice.

I only got 3 hours of sleep for the last 2 days because of all these meetings, but I am so excited right now. We had a great meeting tonight and we hit our goals for today. God loves me...

2 days after Orange Juice

Still drinking orange juice for breakfast. I decided that the first day of orange juice that I was going to drink probiotics with my orange juice to start building up the good bacteria in my colon. It worked because I am digesting normal now. I am still eating a lot of veggies. Mostly, the left over homemade minestrone I made (yum!) and a raw veggie soup that I pureed (got that recipe from goneraw.com. That soup is the bomb. I have about 4 servings in my fridge, but I am thinking I may eat that tomorrow for lunch instead.

I broke down and got some turkey as Desiree and I were brainstorming of good foods to eat during Christmas. We decided a Thanksgiving dinner version of Shepard's pie may be really yummy as most people like to mix their food. We'll see. I made the pie, but haven't really tried it all together. Tonight will be the test. I bringing it to Desiree's as soon as I am done with this blog. So I will be having turkey tonight. I gained back two pounds from just eating, but my clothes still fit the same. I am gonna work out after my appointment tonight so that I tone up. I'd rather gain weight from muscle than gain inches again. Plus, I just got all my clothes tailored, so I have 6 extra pants that will fit so nicely by next friday. How exciting!

Anyways, busy weekend ahead...as usual. Don't you love life...if you weren't always busy doing something, you'd be bored. I love it!

Orange Juice Day

I had orange juice today...all day. I also made minestrone out of all these different veggies. Looks really good. I am excited about tomorrow and being able to actually eat. I'll probably eat soup all day, but that's cool by me. I don't need much. I have lost a total of 17 pounds this year by exercising, cleansing, and eating right since August. It's crazy. I now weigh around 125 lbs. I haven't weighed this much since 2004. That's nuts. That year was when I stopped dancing and started traveling all over the place.

I'm excited. I believe that I will do a lot of working out and tone up a little, instead of being skinny. I am planning on dancing again...I love dancing so much. I'm tired now. It was a good day. Still didn't feel hungry, but wanted to eat food. I felt a little weak, which is why i haven't worked out this whole time. I can't wait to start running again.

More tomorrow!

Master Cleanse Day #9

So today is going well. I am feeling good, but I miss eating. Not hungry or feeling sick at all today. I am mostly wanting to eat real food. I ran out of lemons and I can get more lemons from my brother's tree, but I think I will end the cleanse tomorrow even though it is Day 10. I'm supposed to do one more day of lemonade but I am done. I decided. This cleanse was really different. It was definitely easier to do this time, but I think my period messed some stuff up in the middle of it.

I am not planning on doing the cleanse again until Lent and I will give up cooked foods for Lent. I will do raw veggies and fruits, lemonade, and sushi! I think that should be fine for 40 days. LOL...

So with that, I am excited about my orange juice tomorrow. I already bought all the stuff for my soup which I will be making Thursday morning in a Crock Pot. I am making minestrone on Thursday and my mom is cooking me something on Friday...YAY! I can't wait to eat. Not as scared to eat as last time, but definitely looking forward to it like I did the first time.

Anyways, I got another long night. I have "dinner" appointments, so you know what that means. No eating and just watching for another 2 days. At least I can eat food by Friday.

Master Cleanse Night #8

Today is Day 8 and, boy, am I glad it's almost over. This morning was rough. I was feeling really weak and I had major cravings. It always turns out that the 8th day is really tough for me.

And I know why we drink the laxative tea at night. It's just in case the salt water flush doesn't work. The last 2 days my flush hasn't worked. Today it worked great. I was feeling really awkward the last two days because it wasn't working, although I was still eliminating on a daily basis.

I drank about 6 glasses today because of all the cravings and I did weigh myself again. The last two days have been weird and I really believe that my period had a lot to do with it. When I weighed myself this morning I weighed 2 pounds less, for a total of 5 pounds less than when I started. That's not bad, but I also know the last cleanse I was working out and I lost almost 10 pounds. I gained 3 pounds back, but I kept the rest off. So, if you count how much I have lost total this year with doing the cleanse, working out, and eating right, I have lost about 12 pounds. I am feeling good regardless of how this morning was.

We got our tree up and I love Christmas Tree lights at night as they make me go back to my childhood. It's comforting in some sort of way. Makes me want hot chocolate...LOL. Anything comforting has to do with food. Story of my life. 2 more days...YES!

Master Cleanse Night #7

Day 7...strange day. It could be a detoxing day. I feel like I am a little tired and it could be because I am not eliminating enough. I only drank 3 glasses of lemonade today. I think my metabolism is slowing down too much. I don't feel bad but I'm trying to figure out why I'm not really drinking as much as I should be.

I tried drinking more water today to flush out as much as I could. I am craving a little bit of chicken and steak. That's a little scary because I haven't craved for steak in months. The last time I had steak was during Thanksgiving, but I am getting rid of it now? That's really gross.

I haven't lost anymore weight. I am still only 3-4 pounds lighter than when I started. However, I am losing inches. Reason I know this is that I tried on all my old jeans and they fit me now. Also, my current pants are not fitting right anymore. So, something is happening. I think as long as I am feeling ok and my clothes keep getting looser and looser, something is happening.

I'm tired and I gotta wake up early tomorrow. I got a tree for our house and it's in my car, so I'll have to get it out tomorrow morning. 3 more days of lemonade...yay!

Master Cleanse Night #6

Today has been a great day. We had a very interesting training this morning and I realized that a lot of what happens to us is totally driven by how we react to it. I realized that I react negatively to a lot of things and that I need an attitude adjustment every now and then. Great lesson.

So, this is the spiritual portion of my blog. After day 6, you start really going on this journey. That's why I love this part of the cleanse. I am feeling really bloated (but that's because of Aunt Flo) and my back is hurting a little. That may have to do with my kidneys (but that's usually how I feel when I am having women issues, so it makes sense).

This morning my salt water flush did not flush. That was kinda scary. But I did go early this morning and that may have something to do with it. I still feel really good. I have a lot of energy and I am normal. My eyes are still itchy though. Kinda weird.

We also had a chance to attend a free concert with the Katina's at church today. It was great. I cried a little because I feel so blessed and I know that Jesus has everything to do with it. For example, this morning I had to make copies for my training this morning and I was running a little late. Well, I drove up to a Kinko's and it was closed. The copier at the office was acting up last Saturday so I assumed that it wasn't working. I asked God if he could make it work. I walked up to it and I got my copies. Something as little as making copies and he shows me every day that he loves me. How awesome is that. After I got my copies, I said out loud, "God loves me."

And now I am watching "Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory" (the old one), which is my all time favorite childhood movie. I think I've watched this movie about 500 times in my life. I love all the lessons it teaches...LOL. You know...things like don't drink from a chocolate river, don't eat strange looking gum,and don't be obsessed with TV.(LOL) I'm sure there are more, but those were the ones I was thinking of.

I hope tomorrow is better. I only had 5 glasses today...again. I tried on all my pants and they totally fit. YAY!

Master Cleanse Night #5

I am going to bed soon. Today was an awesome day. I decided to take the day off to organize and clean everything.

I went to dinner with my friends tonight and watched them eat my most favorite Italian food in the world. I can't wait until next Saturday. I have 5 more days after today of lemonade, then I get to drink orange juice and soup. Yay!

Still having my stomach rumbling at night. I need to go to bed earlier or something. I drank 6 glasses today. The laxative teas are actually working better this time than they were before. Before the flush was the only thing working. This time the tea makes me go as soon as I get up and then I flush whatever is left with the salt water. What's really weird is that I am losing my taste buds. My tongue is still coated with white stuff. They say you are supposed to do the cleanse until you tongue is pink. Don't know if I can do this longer than 10 days. That's usually a sign of detoxing. My seventh day is on Sunday and that's supposed to be a major detox day. We'll see.

I may plan on doing a cleanse for Lent. I may just do the lemonade and any raw food; veggies, fruits, and sushi ;) Good night...another awesome day awaits.

Master Cleanse Day #5

Half way there! Technically, I have about a week left until I have solid food. I am excited to be eating soup a week from now. I am trying to figure out what kind of soup I am gonna eat. I keep watching the food network and watching people eat food. I am supposed to go out to dinner tonight with some friends, but I will be watching them eat instead of eating. I'm ok with that. I love watching people eat at this point. I think you gotta love it because everyone is eating in front of you everyday.

It's around lunch and I haven't drank that much yet. I am just chillin' at home today. Cleaning, doing laundry, cleaning my car, all that jazz. My room is a mess, my office is a complete disaster, and my trunk looks like someone just dumped a bunch of papers in there. This is the first day I've actually sat at home and done my chores for about 2 months. Hence, why my house looks the way it does. (and I am still procrastinating because I am blogging...LOL)

So...off to clean! Busy weekend!