The Power of Now

This blog is inspired by my cousin Karen's choice of music....she already knows...

It's been weeks since I've blogged. I'm having a moment so I figure I will share it before it disappears. So for those who have been following my blog, I had a friend come down for Valentine's Day weekend. It was an awesome weekend. We had a lot of fun just hanging out and getting to know each other all over again. We went to Santa Cruz and hung out in Half Moon Bay. Then, he had to leave...so sad...

Anyways, I've been doing my whole control thing (because I lie to myself and say that I control things when God controls it all), and I was looking at some pics on Ate Karen's website today and was listening to the song she had on her site. It's called "The Power of Now". I started listening to the lyrics and there is one part of the song that stuck in my mind:

Be willing to let go of everything you think you need to know
Be strong enough to let go of everything you think you need to control
For everything goes away

I was freaking out! God is hilarious! He knew I needed a reminder. For example, if you truly let go of everything you need to know (like what's gonna happen in the next few months, am I going to get this money/raise/deal, does he like me more than I like him), you stop worrying and start enjoying your life now. AND...if you are strong enough to let go of control, you stop worrying about a lot of stuff and are so present to now that the stuff you were worrying about (which you can't control anyways) doesn't even really matter anymore. Deep...

I am taking it to heart and you know what is so awesome about all these lessons that I am learning in this whole process? I am learning that no matter what happens, I am always in God's hands...and I trust him with EVERYTHING.

No pics to share...was too freaked out...LOL...maybe after next weekend...

Coincedence? I think not...

Seriously, I think God is testing me. I've gotta share this story because it's all I've been thinking about for the last two weeks. I have been talking to my old friend from high school and we've been kinda getting to know each other all over again since we haven't spoke in about 10 years. It's crazy because we are almost exactly alike. We like the same things, we are both very driven and we have awesome work ethic. He is coming here from Texas in the next couple weeks to visit me.

I believe that God is testing me in a way that is positive. For example, this is something great and everything that's great comes from Him. I just sometimes feel like I don't deserve it...does that make any sense? Or maybe I have been treated so badly the last 8 years that when someone has come around that's actually decent, I don't know how to act. I don't know. Regardless, I trust God and I know that He is going to use me in a way to show people that He is with us all the time. I think He's testing me because He wants to see if I can accept gifts (which has always been really hard for me). Maybe this is my lesson...awesome lesson...He's awesome.

p.s. I'm so excited for when my "friend" comes down here...

God answers all prayers

Need I say anything else. I've noticed in the past that I had a problem trusting God and his answers to my prayers. There were times when I felt all alone; like He didn't hear my prayer. In my loneliness and frustration I'd say out loud "Lord, do you even hear me?" All in all, I have realized in the last couple months that He does answer all our prayers and that we just have to be open to hear the answer.

For the last 8 years, I have been in a relationship that I have been trying to make into something that it wasn't going be. Fighting hard to not "fail" at it (I hate failing), I kept trying. The whole time I kept feeling something was missing and I was so right. After we ended it about 2 months ago, I started feeling alone and sad for myself thinking, "How am I going to meet people?" and "Who would want to marry someone like me?" (because that's what my ex kept saying to me over and over again; I believe that he brought the worst out of me at times). So I would be driving and working (normal Leah stuff) and I would tell God out loud, "Lord, I trust you. I know you have better plans for me and I know that whatever that plan is, that you will take care of all my needs." Every time I felt scared and lonely or a thought of not meeting anyone would cross my mind (among other things I worry about), I would say that to God.

So then here's what happened in the last two weeks...
I ended up reconnecting with an old friend from high school and he's such a great guy (who I totally am crushing on right now by the way), my projector died and we need about 2 weeks to get a new one...our office actually let us use the community one for free (everyone else charges $50 an hour), our mailman (who's name is Rich...hilarious...that's my friend from high school's name too) came up to me and invited me to his church because of the youth group there (how awesome is that? Can I get an amen?), I got to go snowboarding on Tuesday (my favorite sport), my brother has been going to church now for about 3 weeks consistently, I got to reconnect with all my Junior High Teachers, and I was able to see my awesome fam bam at Faith's B-day party (I love my family)...oh and I got to sleep over Kuya's house and kick it with Jasmine because she's always asking if I'm gonna sleep over...LOL). That's just these last two weeks. How lucky am I?

I learned that it's all about perspective and that God is ALWAYS there...we just have to find him. My car battery died two days ago and I decided that I could look at the situation one of two ways: I could be angry and frustrated OR I could be thankful that I wasn't somewhere scary and I couldn't get help. So I DECIDED to be happy and thankful instead. Do you know that in that bad situation I put myself in (because I left my lights on), God was awesome enough have AAA come out in 15 mins and jump start my car? I was sitting on my car super happy and my problem was solved in about 15 mins. I thought I was going to be late, but I wasn't late for anything. I truly believe that He's always with us; whether or not we see it. And he always answers prayers; whether or not we hear it. Sometimes the answer is simply... not yet.

Happy New You!

Hi all...I haven't blogged since last year! LOL! As I was pumping gas today, I realized how I haven't really noticed the last couple days. AND...today would've been my 8 year anniversary with my just very recent ex-boyfriend...wow. Can someone pick my jaw off of the floor already? I usually know these things...and today...I totally missed it until maybe 20 minutes ago. New Chapter!

So with that attitude, I am totally ready for a brand new year. We had a meeting last Saturday and someone said something that hit me pretty hard. "Everyone keeps saying Happy New Year. It's only a NEW year if we change ourselves and the things that we do. Otherwise, it'll be the same year." WOW. Can you say a ton of bricks just flew into my face? I definitely want a new year and a new start. So I am looking at my goals daily, sticking to my work/play schedule, focusing on completing my to do lists daily, and meal planning (I'm the biggest nerd ever!). I actually was thinking today that we should schedule a Sunday lunch with my fam bam, like we used to do. Nathan's usually at home on the weekends and he doesn't leave until the afternoon, so he'd still be able to hang out. That way we see each other for sure on Sundays. Can you tell I like tradition?

It's a great start. Did you know that 62% of people break their resolutions by the end of January. The rest of the folks break their resolutions in June. That makes me sad. And the competitor in me doesn't want to be a statistic, so I will keep mine all year until it becomes my life...LOL (Yes, I am one of those).

Anyways, tomorrow is gonna be a great day! I'm still excited for this year...it's gonna be AWESOME (ode to my brother Jay! LOL) So for all those who truly want a NEW Year, here's to a New YOU!

Too much fun!

I can't help but feel blessed almost everyday for all the things I have in my life. It's crazy how much I love my life...and I just went through 8 years of an experience that I learned so much from.

So this weekend was insane! Starting Saturday (ALL DAY), my mom decided it was a good idea to have my entire dad's side of the family over at our tiny house. Literally...our house is about 1000 sq. feet. Anyways, we had about 60-70 people in our house...(future reference for a house party...LOL) and it was super crowded. However, I am glad she was ok with it because no one in our family can say that their house is too small to have a party now (there's a reason for everything...haha) and if they do say that, it's because they don't care about keeping tradition...I can say that because I've pretty much helped plan almost EVERY holiday/traditional get together for the last 12 years...so yeah (getting off the soapbox now). But it turned out GREAT! It was fun and we had an awesome time spending time with family. No real focus on presents this year...just family. I love it...

So after everyone left, my mom, her man, and I cleaned furiously (again) and I got ready to go out with my girls to the city. We went to Milk in the Haight and clubbed like crazy. I walked out of the house with the short skirt on and my CFM Boots and my mom said "I guess you're going to go get a guy tonite, huh." L O L ... Not! I just wanted to dance and have fun. And I did...here are some crazy dancing pics...I'm a wanna be hoochie. I have a hard time following through on all the hoochie stuff. So does that make me a tease? Crap!

I didn't get home until 4:30am. Had to get up at 7:30am for a conference call and then we ran a training from 10am-3pm. We went bowling with our team. The girls won the last game (we had an advantage...there was 4 of us). After that, I went to Walnut Creek and went ice skating with Aileen and Belle. Was disappointed by an old friend that night. Crazy how people think that life begins in a certain place, but they don't realize that life is what is happening at every moment, no matter where you are. People miss out on so much because of that. Regardless, it was hella fun! Belle is a super good ice skater so she taught us how to skate backwards. We went and ate Pho and went home to start our week.

Worked all day Monday and had a chance to hang with my favorite peeps in the world (my family) at the Oakland Zoo to check out "Zoolights". That was fun too. I forgot to mention that in between this I was working with one of my new agents and working is always fun for me.

All in all, it has been tons of fun these last 3 days. It's a small preview of the coming year. I can't wait!