Story of my life

I was thinking about the things that I want for my life this morning and yesterday and the day before (and you get where I am going with this). I realized that whenever something bad happens or when something that I don't want to happen actually happens, I say out loud, "Story of my Life." Then, I wonder why that IS the story of my life. So today, I am deciding that the story of my life is that I get whatever I want, when God says that I can have it. Honestly, I can complain about a lot of things...I just choose not to. When people say, "I can't complain"...that's not necessarily true. They CAN complain, they are just choosing not to.

"Why so deep today?" you must be asking...I am at the very bottom right now. And what's crazy is that, I don't feel like I really have anything to complain about. I guess I feel more grateful that the bottom for me isn't so bad. It could be worse. The great thing is that I have an awesome (and hilarious) family, great friends and successful business partners and mentors.

So whenever I ask God for something, I USED to say that he said 3 things , "yes", "no", and "not yet". What's funny is if I look at my life, I've noticed that he actually mostly says "yes, but not yet". So here I am...waiting patiently on God. In the meantime, I will live my story...

Have I lost my mind?

So I went to Texas again this weekend to hang out with my friend. This was probably the best time that we had from all the times we've actually hung out. Reason being, it was all about real life.

But through the whole experience this weekend, I have a new found peace of mind. It's strange really, how one gets to this place. I learned a lot about what kind of person he is and really more of what kind of a person I am. It's a little nuts to be here. I guess I have been praying for this for awhile and I am excited to finally be here. I thought that if I cared about myself more than the person I am with, I was selfish. But I've come to realize that I can't truly care about someone if I don't know how to care about myself first. And that's what I got this weekend. Thanks to my friend in Texas.

Now...with that...I am wondering if that was the reason why God put him in my life at the time that he did. There's gotta be a reason. Still praying on that one. In the meantime, I am going to keep figuring this thing out and just have fun. After all, I'm only 30 for another month...yikes! Gotta live it up!

You know that saying?

"If it was meant to be, it will happen." Been thinking too much (as usual) and I've come to the conclusion that I really trust that God's got my back on this one. Today I went to an awesome meeting with our Sacramento team and I am all fired up to get the job done this year! With that excitement, I was also hesitant. I really gotta get things done in the next few months and as soon as I take care of what I need to take care of, then I can move forward with this "relationship" that I've been talking about with Texas...LOL.

So is it really fair to ask someone to be serious with you when you are not serious about them right now? I think that's a little selfish. As much as I don't want to miss out on all the fun we are having, I also don't want to let my dream pass me by because I know it's going to really happen this year. I FEEL it. That's different from before. Before I saw a vision of it, but this year I can feel it happen. It's almost like it's calling me. Crazy.

I am scared...for sure...but I also feel like if God wants me to be here, he'll make a way. He makes a way for everything. Why not crazy Leah and her strange adventures. I will still move forward...don't wanna be one of those Christians that "waits" on God, but regardless, I am excited about my future and what it has to hold. I'm in a better place, but I know that place still has limitations. I'm so confused. Are you? LOL...just had to share...it's one of those days.

The Shack

I'm reading this book called "The Shack". Ang told me to read it. The beginning is so sad. I was reading it on the plane this friday and I was totally crying. Some pages took me forever to get through because I totally felt where this guy was coming from. I have had moments in my life...who hasn't?

Anyways, somewhere in the book, it describes God as having an awesome sense of humor and I thought "Man, I totally blogged about that." Hence, the prior post.

There's a lot to learn right now. I'm going a little bananas and coconuts. Desiree can vouch...but I have been praying for peace and I know God is totally testing me right now. I am failing miserably. I know it. I really gotta just chill out. It's so much easier said than done, but I am working on it. Thank God I have awesome friends and family that keep me in check. Otherwise, I would be totally in a crazy people hospital right now. And that's how I know God is awesome. God put awesome people in my life to keep me in check, otherwise I would have made a lot of crazy decisions (still working on that a little).

So moral of the story...God put people in your life to keep you accountable and keep you in check so that you can give Him the glory and honor he deserves through all your actions (not to get all crazy religious). At the end of the day though...your decisions will still be based on you...so you gotta ask the question, "Lord, what is it that You want me to do." Then, just sit and listen.

God is a Comedian (Part #1)

This may be my most favorite saying in the whole world at this point. There is so much going on in my life right now. I've been having to work super hard to keep up with everything. I just think that I need to schedule EVERYTHING to get it all done. My prior post was about that song on Ate Karen's website because it spoke to me so much about just being and not worrying about anything.

That same day I was worrying about things I can't control (duh, that's everyone) and as I was leaving my house I saw a rainbow and I got a text that answered all my questions. We've all had that conversation, "God if you want me to have this, you'll do this" conversation. I was totally testing Him. He delivered...coconuts...(that's my new saying...I'm gonna see how many people pick it up...lol) He basically said, "why don't you just trust me?" Then, I asked myself the same question...(deep)

So then, today was an even crazier day for me, work wise, and I was at Starbucks meeting with a client. I don't normally pay attention to the coins I get, but today I got my change and why did I get a flippin' Texas quarter? Seriously...this is all too random...(that one is actually really retarded but I had to share it...it made me laugh, that's why God's a comedian)

There are some things that are a coincidence...other things you can't really explain. There's a lot of things that I can't explain that have happened in the last week to me, business and personal, that I can't explain and all I know is that all of it is in God's hands.

Regardless of all the random occurrences in this last week, I am recognizing that this is all for a bigger purpose. The bigger purpose is that I have found my trust in God has strengthened so much in the last week. I had been praying for discernment for years (years and years) and I finally feel as if I can pray and know what God is really trying to communicate to me. I thought for a long time that I had been missing the message, but maybe I wasn't listening. Maybe that's a lot of people. All I know is that I am feeling loved and I'm telling you...there's nothing like feeling totally loved by God. It's a good place to be.

The Power of Now

This blog is inspired by my cousin Karen's choice of music....she already knows...

It's been weeks since I've blogged. I'm having a moment so I figure I will share it before it disappears. So for those who have been following my blog, I had a friend come down for Valentine's Day weekend. It was an awesome weekend. We had a lot of fun just hanging out and getting to know each other all over again. We went to Santa Cruz and hung out in Half Moon Bay. Then, he had to leave...so sad...

Anyways, I've been doing my whole control thing (because I lie to myself and say that I control things when God controls it all), and I was looking at some pics on Ate Karen's website today and was listening to the song she had on her site. It's called "The Power of Now". I started listening to the lyrics and there is one part of the song that stuck in my mind:

Be willing to let go of everything you think you need to know
Be strong enough to let go of everything you think you need to control
For everything goes away

I was freaking out! God is hilarious! He knew I needed a reminder. For example, if you truly let go of everything you need to know (like what's gonna happen in the next few months, am I going to get this money/raise/deal, does he like me more than I like him), you stop worrying and start enjoying your life now. AND...if you are strong enough to let go of control, you stop worrying about a lot of stuff and are so present to now that the stuff you were worrying about (which you can't control anyways) doesn't even really matter anymore. Deep...

I am taking it to heart and you know what is so awesome about all these lessons that I am learning in this whole process? I am learning that no matter what happens, I am always in God's hands...and I trust him with EVERYTHING.

No pics to share...was too freaked out...LOL...maybe after next weekend...

Coincedence? I think not...

Seriously, I think God is testing me. I've gotta share this story because it's all I've been thinking about for the last two weeks. I have been talking to my old friend from high school and we've been kinda getting to know each other all over again since we haven't spoke in about 10 years. It's crazy because we are almost exactly alike. We like the same things, we are both very driven and we have awesome work ethic. He is coming here from Texas in the next couple weeks to visit me.

I believe that God is testing me in a way that is positive. For example, this is something great and everything that's great comes from Him. I just sometimes feel like I don't deserve it...does that make any sense? Or maybe I have been treated so badly the last 8 years that when someone has come around that's actually decent, I don't know how to act. I don't know. Regardless, I trust God and I know that He is going to use me in a way to show people that He is with us all the time. I think He's testing me because He wants to see if I can accept gifts (which has always been really hard for me). Maybe this is my lesson...awesome lesson...He's awesome.

p.s. I'm so excited for when my "friend" comes down here...

God answers all prayers

Need I say anything else. I've noticed in the past that I had a problem trusting God and his answers to my prayers. There were times when I felt all alone; like He didn't hear my prayer. In my loneliness and frustration I'd say out loud "Lord, do you even hear me?" All in all, I have realized in the last couple months that He does answer all our prayers and that we just have to be open to hear the answer.

For the last 8 years, I have been in a relationship that I have been trying to make into something that it wasn't going be. Fighting hard to not "fail" at it (I hate failing), I kept trying. The whole time I kept feeling something was missing and I was so right. After we ended it about 2 months ago, I started feeling alone and sad for myself thinking, "How am I going to meet people?" and "Who would want to marry someone like me?" (because that's what my ex kept saying to me over and over again; I believe that he brought the worst out of me at times). So I would be driving and working (normal Leah stuff) and I would tell God out loud, "Lord, I trust you. I know you have better plans for me and I know that whatever that plan is, that you will take care of all my needs." Every time I felt scared and lonely or a thought of not meeting anyone would cross my mind (among other things I worry about), I would say that to God.

So then here's what happened in the last two weeks...
I ended up reconnecting with an old friend from high school and he's such a great guy (who I totally am crushing on right now by the way), my projector died and we need about 2 weeks to get a new one...our office actually let us use the community one for free (everyone else charges $50 an hour), our mailman (who's name is Rich...hilarious...that's my friend from high school's name too) came up to me and invited me to his church because of the youth group there (how awesome is that? Can I get an amen?), I got to go snowboarding on Tuesday (my favorite sport), my brother has been going to church now for about 3 weeks consistently, I got to reconnect with all my Junior High Teachers, and I was able to see my awesome fam bam at Faith's B-day party (I love my family)...oh and I got to sleep over Kuya's house and kick it with Jasmine because she's always asking if I'm gonna sleep over...LOL). That's just these last two weeks. How lucky am I?

I learned that it's all about perspective and that God is ALWAYS there...we just have to find him. My car battery died two days ago and I decided that I could look at the situation one of two ways: I could be angry and frustrated OR I could be thankful that I wasn't somewhere scary and I couldn't get help. So I DECIDED to be happy and thankful instead. Do you know that in that bad situation I put myself in (because I left my lights on), God was awesome enough have AAA come out in 15 mins and jump start my car? I was sitting on my car super happy and my problem was solved in about 15 mins. I thought I was going to be late, but I wasn't late for anything. I truly believe that He's always with us; whether or not we see it. And he always answers prayers; whether or not we hear it. Sometimes the answer is simply... not yet.

Happy New You!

Hi all...I haven't blogged since last year! LOL! As I was pumping gas today, I realized how I haven't really noticed the last couple days. AND...today would've been my 8 year anniversary with my just very recent ex-boyfriend...wow. Can someone pick my jaw off of the floor already? I usually know these things...and today...I totally missed it until maybe 20 minutes ago. New Chapter!

So with that attitude, I am totally ready for a brand new year. We had a meeting last Saturday and someone said something that hit me pretty hard. "Everyone keeps saying Happy New Year. It's only a NEW year if we change ourselves and the things that we do. Otherwise, it'll be the same year." WOW. Can you say a ton of bricks just flew into my face? I definitely want a new year and a new start. So I am looking at my goals daily, sticking to my work/play schedule, focusing on completing my to do lists daily, and meal planning (I'm the biggest nerd ever!). I actually was thinking today that we should schedule a Sunday lunch with my fam bam, like we used to do. Nathan's usually at home on the weekends and he doesn't leave until the afternoon, so he'd still be able to hang out. That way we see each other for sure on Sundays. Can you tell I like tradition?

It's a great start. Did you know that 62% of people break their resolutions by the end of January. The rest of the folks break their resolutions in June. That makes me sad. And the competitor in me doesn't want to be a statistic, so I will keep mine all year until it becomes my life...LOL (Yes, I am one of those).

Anyways, tomorrow is gonna be a great day! I'm still excited for this year...it's gonna be AWESOME (ode to my brother Jay! LOL) So for all those who truly want a NEW Year, here's to a New YOU!